How to cope with a Breakup/Divorce

 

It’s never ever easy when a relationship ends. Whatever the reason for the split and whether you wanted it or not the breakup of a relationship can turn your whole world upside down and trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling feelings. But there are plenty of things you can do to get through this difficult time and move on. You can even learn from the experience and grow into a stronger, wiser person.

 

Healing after a divorce or breakup

Why do breakups hurt so much, even when the relationship is no longer good? A divorce or breakup is painful because it represents the loss, not just of the relationship, but also of shared dreams and commitments. Romantic relationships begin on a high note of excitement and hope for the future. When these relationships fail, we experience profound disappointment, stress, and grief.
A breakup or divorce launches us into uncharted territory. Everything is disrupted: your routine and responsibilities, your home, your relationships with extended family and friends, and even your identity. A breakup brings uncertainty about the future. What will life be like without your partner? Will you find someone else? Will you end up alone? These unknowns often seem worse than an unhappy relationship.
Recovering from a breakup or divorce is difficult. However, it’s important to know (and to keep reminding yourself) that you can and will move on. But healing takes time, so be patient with yourself.

Coping with separation and divorce

• Recognize that it’s OK to have different feelings. It’s normal to feel sad, angry, exhausted, frustrated, and confused and these feelings can be intense. You also may feel anxious about the future. Accept that reactions like these will lessen over time. Even if the marriage was unhealthy, venturing into the unknown is frightening.
• Give yourself a break. Give yourself permission to feel and to function at a less than optimal level for a period of time. You may not be able to be quite as productive on the job or care for others in exactly the way you’re accustomed to for a little while. No one is superman or superwoman; take time to heal, regroup, and re-energize.
• Don’t go through this alone. Sharing your feelings with friends and family can help you get through this period. Consider joining a support group where you can talk to others in similar situations. Isolating yourself can raise your stress levels, reduce your concentration, and get in the way of your work, relationships, and overall health. Don’t be afraid to get outside help if you need it.

Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship

Grief is a natural reaction to loss, and the breakup or divorce of a love relationship involves multiple losses:

• Loss of companionship and shared experiences (which may or may not have been consistently pleasurable)
• Loss of support, be it financial, intellectual, social, or emotional
• Loss of hopes, plans, and dreams (can be even more painful than practical losses)

Allowing yourself to feel the pain of these losses may be scary. You may fear that your emotions will be too intense to bear, or that you’ll be stuck in a dark place forever. Just remember that grieving is essential to the healing process. The pain of grief is precisely what helps you let go of the old relationship and move on. And no matter how strong your grief, it won’t last forever.

Tips for grieving after a breakup or divorce:

• Don’t fight your feelings – It’s normal to have lots of ups and downs, and feel many conflicting emotions, including anger, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, and confusion. It’s important to identify and acknowledge these feelings. While these emotions will often be painful, trying to suppress or ignore them will only prolong the grieving process.
• Talk about how you’re feeling – Even if it is difficult for you to talk about your feelings with other people, it is very important to find a way to do so when you are grieving. Knowing that others are aware of your feelings will make you feel less alone with your pain and will help you heal. Journaling can also be a helpful outlet for your feelings.
• Remember that moving on is the end goal – Expressing your feelings will liberate you in a way, but it is important not to dwell on the negative feelings or to over-analyze the situation. Getting stuck in hurtful feelings like blame, anger, and resentment will rob you of valuable energy and prevent you from healing and moving forward.
• Remind yourself that you still have a future – When you commit to another person, you create many hopes and dreams. It’s hard to let these dreams go. As you grieve the loss of the future you once envisioned, be encouraged by the fact that new hopes and dreams will eventually replace your old ones.
• Know the difference between a normal reaction to a breakup and depression – Grief can be paralyzing after a breakup, but after a while, the sadness begins to lift. Day by day, and little by little, you start moving on. However, if you don’t feel any forward momentum, you may be suffering from depression.

Reach out to others for support through the grieving process

Support from others is critical to healing after a breakup or divorce. You might feel like being alone, but isolating yourself will only make this time more difficult. Don’t try to get through this on your own.
Reach out to trusted friends and family members. People who have been through painful breakups or divorces can be especially helpful. They know what it is like and they can assure you that there is hope for healing and new relationships.

• Spend time with people who support, value, and energize you. As you consider who to reach out to, choose wisely. Surround yourself with people who are positive and who truly listen to you. It’s important that you feel free to be honest about what you’re going through, without worrying about being judged, criticized, or told what to do.
• Get outside help if you need it. If reaching out to others doesn’t come naturally, consider seeing a counselor or joining a support group. The most important thing is that you have at least one place where you feel comfortable opening up.
• Cultivate new friendships. If you feel like you have lost your social network along with the divorce or breakup, make an effort to meet new people. Join a networking group or special interest club, take a class, get involved in community activities, or volunteer at a school, place of worship, or other community organization.  

Types of Scams

 

What's New in Scams?

Here's the current round-up of nine scams in the news, although these scams are occurring in specific places, each of them can happen anywhere (so you aren't safe just because you don't live in Sioux Falls, SD, or New Zealand, etc.) And, just because a scam is on CraigsList, doesn't mean it can't or won't  happen on other sites.

1. Say No to *72

The scam: A terrible phone call to a Sioux Falls, SD, man tells him of a death in the family, asks him to call another number for details and to begin his cell phone call with the code *72. What this actually does is transfer all calls sent to the cell phone to the number the caller has given  the scammer's own number.
The scammer then gives your number to his buddies anywhere in the world and they can phone him via your cell, with you picking up the charges and knowing nothing about it until you get your bill.
The solution: Don't use the *72 or any other forwarding code to forward calls to a number you don't know or recognize. You can enter *73 to clear call forwarding. (We're not sure if *72 and *73 are the forwarding codes for all cell phones. Check your cell phone manual or talk to your carrier.)

2. The Not Guilty Juror

The scam: A new warning where individuals get calls telling them they failed to turn up for jury duty and asking for personal details so the court can cancel an arrest warrant. Meanwhile, in Winston County, MS, scammers claim they are calling from the courts merely to confirm personal details for possible future jury duty.The solution: Don't give personal details like credit card or Social Security numbers courts never seek them over the phone. If in doubt, contact the court directly. And report the incident to the police.

3. Don't Pay The Hitman

The scam: A rash of death-threat emails has victims trembling in their shoes. The messages warn of a $650,000 contract killing  and you're the target. Unless you pay the hitman $15,000. They say you're being watched (so you can't contact the police) and give you 24 hours to make contact.
The solution: Let's be serious. Are you really worth $650,000 dead? And if you are, why would the hitman take $15,0000 instead of collecting his fee? Tell the police.

4. Pure Water Pressure

The scam: A couple of swindlers posing as water company officials invite themselves into private homes to check out the water supply and fixtures. They tell victims they need to buy water purifiers, which the scammers, of course, just happen to have in stock, and then press for an instant purchase.
The solution: Water company officials carry photo ID check it out carefully and use only official vehicles. If in doubt, phone the water company. And don't let people pressure you into making purchases with high pressure sales tactics.

5. Hooked By the Text Phishers

The scam: Instead of sending you a phishing email, scammers send you a cell phone text message, supposedly from your bank, asking you to visit a website whose address looks genuine. It isn't, and once keyed in, takes you to a bogus site that asks for personal details so the bank can "unlock" or "verify" your account. Currently making the rounds in Columbia, MO.
Solution: As with phishing emails, never follow a link, even one you have to manually key in, that you don't know for sure. And never provide confidential information unless you know the site is secure with an "s" in the "https" part of the address line and/or a padlock icon in the message area of your browser.

6. Cashing In On Tragedy

The scam: A sad story and a timely warning from the ever-popular classified ad site CraigsList. A guy raising money for a terminally ill parent tries to sell furniture and gets a reply offering to buy.
The "buyer" later says she's sent a check but it was for too much money so would the seller mind cashing it and sending back the difference? A wicked variation on the overpayment scam.
Solution: Never accept a check for more than the asking price and then give a refund. The original check usually bounces and you end up holding the bag.

7. Getting Tourists in a Flap

The scam: Traders in London offer "rare" parrots for sale to tourists and locals, charging up to 170 British pounds ($350 USD) a time and often claiming the "parrots" can talk.
The birds are also advertised for sale in newspapers. They are actually parakeets that live wild in the English capital's city parks.
Apart from the sheer cruelty of capturing them, they're worth next to nothing there's an estimated 65,000 of them! They can't talk either and, sadly, most of them die a short while after being caged.
The solution: Never accept people's claims about items they're selling without proof. And always beware of scammers in tourist locations they know all the tricks in the book.

8. Scam and Scam Again

The scam: New Zealand victims of an earlier scam in which they were sold virtually worthless stocks get a phone call from someone saying they have a potential buyer or offering to swap them for more valuable stocks. Inevitably, the caller then asks for an advance commission, transaction or other registration fee.
A variation is that the caller claims to be an attorney who knows your case and wants to help you recover your money again for an upfront fee.
The solution: Never buy shares over the phone (or promoted in emails) from someone you don't know. If you already have, don't believe anyone who says they can get your money back  unless it's (really) the police! And, beware of "hot" stock tips.

9. Busted!

John Heath, 81, recently got 28 years in jail for a scam that netted an estimated $190 million. Heath was one of a trio who ran a Ponzi investment scheme a pyramid system where newly invested cash goes to pay off longer-standing investors, keeping them sweet, while a chunk drops into the scammers' pockets.
California prosecutors said the scheme covered about half of the US and caught about 1,800 victims. Some money has been returned but only about 22 cents on the dollar.

Also Look Out For These Scams...

Scammers claiming they need your details for a new Medicare card  bogus shipping companies you're asked to pay before shipping an item previously ordered by a con artist phony talent agencies who tell you you're heading for stardom, offer to put up $1,000 of their own money and ask for $500 of your cash to invest in your future and a bogus cop who phones to say you've been photographed breaking the speed limit and asks you to forward a $150 fine.

Origin of reggae music

 
How did reggae start and how did the name come about, lets get down to the nitty gritty.
Reggae developed from mento, R&B, and Ska music in the 1960s. The shift from rocksteady to reggae was illustrated by the organ shuffle pioneered by Jamaican musicians like Jackie Mittoo and Winston Wright and featured in transitional singles "Say What You're Saying" (1967) by Clancy Eccles and "People Funny Boy" (1968) by Lee "Scratch" Perry. The Pioneers' 1968 track "Long Shot (Bus' Me Bet)" has been identified as the earliest recorded example of the new rhythm sound that became known as reggae.
Early 1968 was when the first bona fide reggae records were released: "Nanny Goat" by Larry Marshall and "No More Heartaches" by The Beltones. That same year, the newest Jamaican sound began to spawn big-name imitators in other countries. American artist Johnny Nash's 1968 hit "Hold Me Tight" has been credited with first putting reggae in the American listener charts. Around the same time, reggae influences were starting to surface in rock and pop music, one example being 1968's "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" by The Beatles.
The Wailers, a band started by Bob Marley, Peter Tosh and Bunny Wailer in 1963, is perhaps the most recognized band that made the transition through all three stages of early Jamaican popular music: ska, rocksteady and reggae. Other significant reggae pioneers include Prince Buster, Desmond Dekker and Ken Boothe.  Notable Jamaican producers influential in the development of ska into rocksteady and reggae include: Coxsone Dodd, Lee "Scratch" Perry, Leslie Kong, Duke Reid, Joe Gibbs and King Tubby. Chris Blackwell, who founded Island Records in Jamaica in 1960, relocated to England in 1962, where he continued to promote Jamaican music. He formed a partnership with Lee Gopthal's Trojan Records in 1968, which released reggae in the UK until bought by Saga records in 1974.
Reggae influence bubbled to the top of the U.S. Billboard Hot 100 charts in late 1972. First Three Dog Night hit #1 in September with a cover of the Maytones' version of "Black and White". Then Johnny Nash was at #1 for four weeks in November with "I Can See Clearly Now".
In 1973, the film The Harder They Come starring Jimmy Cliff was released and introduced Jamaican music to cinema audiences outside of Jamaica. Though the film achieved cult status its limited appeal meant that it had a smaller impact than Eric Clapton's 1974 cover of Bob Marley's "I Shot the Sheriff" which made it onto the playlists of mainstream rock and pop radio stations worldwide. Clapton's "I Shot The Sheriff" used modern rock production and recording techniques and faithfully retained most of the original reggae elements; it was a breakthrough pastiche devoid of any parody and played an important part in bringing the music of Bob Marley to a wider rock audience. By the mid-1970s, authentic reggae dub plates and specials were getting some exposure in the UK on John Peel's radio show, who promoted the genre for the rest of his career. Around the same time, British filmmaker Jeremy Marre documented the Jamaican music scene in Roots Rock Reggae, capturing the heyday of roots reggae.
In the second half of the 1970s, the UK punk rock scene was starting to form, and reggae was a notable influence. The DJ Don Letts would play reggae and punk tracks at clubs such as The Roxy. Punk bands such as The Clash. The Ruts. The Members and The Slits played many reggae-influenced songs. Around the same time, reggae music took a new path in the UK; one that was created by the multiracial makeup of England's inner cities and exemplified by groups like Steel Pulse, Aswad and UB40, as well as artists such as Smiley Culture and Carroll Thompson. The Jamaican ghetto themes in the lyrics were replaced with UK inner city themes, and Jamaican patois became intermingled with Cockney slang. In South London around this time, a new subgenre of Lovers Rock, was being created. Unlike the Jamaican music of the same name which was mainly dominated by male artists such as Gregory Isaacs, the South London genre was led by female singers like Thompson and Janet Kay. The UK Lovers Rock had a softer and more commercial sound. Other reggae artists who enjoyed international appeal in the early 1980s include Third World, Black Uhuru and Sugar Minott. The Grammy Awards introduced the Grammy Award for Best Reggae Album category in 1985.

What causes hurricanes?

Its the hurricane season and many people dont understand how it is formed and why it causes so much damage in certain countries.

Hurricanes are intense low pressure areas that form over warm ocean waters in the summer and early fall. Their source of energy is water vapor which is evaporated from the ocean surface. Water vapor is the "fuel" for the hurricanes because it releases the "latent heat of condensation" when it condenses to form clouds and rain, warming the surrounding air. (This heat energy was absorbed by the water vapor when it was evaporated from the warm ocean surface, cooling the ocean in the process.) Usually, the heat released in this way in tropical thunderstorms is carried away by wind shear, which blows the top off the thunderstorms. But when there is little wind shear, this heat can build up, causing low pressure to form. The low pressure causes wind to begin to spiral inward toward the center of the low. These winds help to evaporate even more water vapor from the ocean, spiraling inward toward the center, feeding more showers and thunderstorms, and warming the upper atmosphere still more. The showers and thunderstorms where all of this energy is released are usually organized into bands (sometimes called "rainbands" or "feeder bands"), as well as into an "eyewall" encircling the center of the storm. The eyewall is where the strongest winds occur, which encircle the warmest air, in the eye of the hurricane. This warmth in the eye is produced by sinking air, which sinks in response to rising air in the thunderstorms. The winds diminish rapidly moving from the eyewall to the inside of the relatively cloud-free eye, where calm winds can exist. In low-lying areas, much of the damage from hurricanes can be from the "storm surge", in which water being blown onshore by the high winds rises rapidly. The storm surge can destroy the lower floors of some buildings, or even destroy the foundations of residences causing the homes to wash away. The storm surge can also trap residents from evacuating along low-lying escape routes. Hurricanes almost always travel poleward at the end of their life cycle, helping to transport excess heat out of the tropics toward higher latitudes. Sometimes the hurricane will merge with an extratropical (non-tropical) storm system, which can cause temporary intensification of the storm.
Hurricanes gradually die as they move over cooler waters, which do not have the heat energy necessary to evaporate sufficient water vapor into the atmosphere to fuel the hurricane. If the hurricane crosses over to land, the heat source is removed entirely. With the removal of the energy source, and the greater surface friction of the land's terrain and vegetation, the hurricane's winds rapidly decrease.

Couple Spent $1.56 on Wedding

 
This is really unbelievable, i had to post this. I wonder if its possible to do this in Jamaica??????
A couple from Scotland spent less on their wedding day than most people dole out for their morning coffee.
Artist Georgina Porteous, 36, and 39-year-old singer-songwriter Sid Innes budgeted just $1.56 for their big day. Yep, you read that right. The pair are dedicated to recycling and self-sufficiency, according to the U.K.'s Metro News, so they vowed to keep the day they exchanged vows super simple.

So how did the couple throw a great fête for 70 guests for such a paltry price? Porteous and Innes said their "I do's" in a barn on their property behind their cottage. Porteous spent $1.56 on a vintage ivory wedding gown that she found on freecycle.org, a network of exchanges and gifting, while Innes wore an old tweed suit. The couple’s rings were handmade by Porteous using antlers she found in her garden. Her mother officiated the ceremony and a neighborhood reverend donated his services for free in order to make it all official.
For the reception, the venue was decorated with locally grown flowers, hay bales, and lanterns that community farmers contributed. The newlyweds asked their guests to bring food and drinks for a potluck picnic and Porteous's aunt baked the cake. The wedding photographer who captured the festivities bartered his services in exchange for some film editing by Porteous. And the affair’s music came courtesy of the bride's father, who played jazz on the saxophone.

“We thought we’d do [our wedding] differently and we started to become quite obsessed with it and ways to save money. It was exciting, fun and a challenge," Innes said in a YouTube video. One fee the couple couldn’t get out of paying? The $109.23 charge for a marriage license. Hopefully, it was totally worth it.

While cost-cutting measures that Innes and Porteous took for their nuptials are certainly extreme, there are plenty of ways to have a budget-friendly wedding. Here are some tips and tricks for thrifty ways to tie the knot.

1. The dress — If you don't have a a friend or family member who can lend you a dress (that she probably wore only once), there are a lot of great websites that sell once-worn wedding dresses. “When my clients come to me and are looking to keep costs down, I recommend that they resell their dresses,” Tracy Taylor Ward, owner and principal designer/planner of Tracy Taylor Ward Design, told Yahoo Shine. Sites like NearlyNewlywed.com and Tradesy make the process easy. And if you’re lucky, you might even make a profit if you sell yours. Sample sales, consignment shops, eBay and e-commerce site Etsy, which focuses on handmade and vintage items, are great options as well.
2. The rings — Not everyone is as deft at ring-making as Porteous is, but Etsy has plenty of artisans with similar skills who sell affordable alternatives to typical gold and silver wedding bands. Titanium and gold-plated metals look like the real thing at just a fraction of the price.
3. Flowers — In the United States, $1,997 was the average amount spent on flowers and decor per wedding in 2012. Ward suggested working with larger flowers. “Hydrangeas are a good-value flower because they’re always in season and you don't need as much to fill out an arrangement. You need more roses to fill out the same amount of space,” she said.
4. Venue — Being able to throw a wedding at your own place or at the home of a friend or family member is the cheapest route, but for those outsourcing to other locations, there are tricks for trimming expenses. Most venues' rates vary by season, so if you can get a place during the off-season, its prices will be either lower than at peak times or negotiable because it's not going to have as much business during that period. Avoid holidays because prices tend to inflate. Additionally, tying the knot on a Friday or a Sunday is slightly less expensive than on a Saturday.
5. Food — Pass on the raw bar and filet mignon and skip food stations, added Ward: instead opt for passed hors d'oeuvres and a sit-down dinner.
6. The wedding cake — Wedding cakes cost, on average, $560, but you certainly don't have to spend that much. “Cakes are typically priced per slice, so try to find a bakery in your budget,” suggested Ward. An alternative cost-cutting measure is to ask the bakery for a smaller display cake and have extra sheet cakes in the kitchen for when it runs out. 

Foods to eat for better sex

Everybody wants to have great sex. If you're not having any sex, you want it; if you're having okay sex, you want an upgrade to great and if your sex life is great, well, you want it to be mind-blowing. And it's possible. But there's more to great sex than meets the eye. And it begins in the kitchen.A number of people might wonder what simple food could i possible have around me that could enhance my sex life. Many factors can impact ones sex life for example Stress, Boredom and definitely being overweight,being overweight can certainly affect your libido. We could dig in to the science, but it’s pretty self evident, isn’t it? Eat a bag of McDonald’s and you’d probably rather lay around and think about doing it rather than actually getting up and doing it. Have a much lighter, fresher, good-for-you meal and you are more likely to want to follow through. What you’re eating can play a role in your sex life, but not just in how much of the bad stuff you’re eating. Are you getting enough of the aphrodisiac foods when it really counts?
Funny enough, the smellier the better seems to be key with these foods, with oysters, asparagus, and garlic on the list. But what the smelly and non-smelly foods on this list all share is that they’re great for you.

What makes these foods a turn on?

• Asparagus offers a lot of folic acid, which can increase histamine production which makes reaching orgasm easier for both men and women.

• Garlic is ripe with allicin, which increases that all important blood flow.

• Oysters on the half-shell are pretty sexy to eat, and the protein can certainly promote stamina. However, they also have been connected with increasing production of testosterone, which raises libido in both genders.

• Ginger gets some love in the Kama Sutra for its ability to stimulate blood flow which makes the erogenous zones much more sensitive.

• Chocolate is the go-to romance food for good reason. Cacao has PEA (phenylethylamine), the “love chemical,” which promotes dopamine production in the brain’s pleasure centers which peak at orgasm. PEA also inspires feelings of euphoria and attraction, which pair well with the tryptophan’s effects of relaxation.

• Avocado are referred to as ahuacuatl, or “the testicle tree,” by the Aztecs. With a name like that it’s got to be sexy. In fact, in the 16th century, Catholic priests in Mexico banned avocados from being eaten because of their overt sexual appearance.

•  Whole grains a bowl of whole grains, like oatmeal can make you Superman (or woman) in bed. While not the stuff of fantasy, that morning bowl of oats is high in zinc and can increase testosterone, which increases sexual desire (in both men and women). And being complex carbohydrates, whole grains create staying power, so you can perform in a way that matches your passion. 

•  Olive oil - We need fat to produce sex hormones; not the kind that builds up around our bellies and hips, but healthy fat in our food. Here comes the sexy part. Fat and cholesterol are metabolized in the liver, stimulating the production of testosterone and estrogen, which we need for our sex drive...and performance. A healthy balance of sex hormones produces a strong libido in men and women.

Remember to order these foods if treating your love to dinner, or be sure these ingredients are on the menu before you take to the kitchen yourself. There are plenty of combinations here to cover an appetizer, meal, and dessert. Just don’t get too full!